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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255626">LACUNA</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnkissed/pseuds/svnkissed'>svnkissed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Choi Beomgyu Is Bad At Feelings, Cyborgs, Denial of Feelings, Existentialism, Feelings Realization, Hate to Love, Human Huening Kai, M/M, Memory Loss, Mutual Pining, Science Fiction, Soul-Searching, beomgyu has an existential crisis and kai's cocky (not), its enemies to lovers but only on beomgyu's side</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:36:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28255626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/svnkissed/pseuds/svnkissed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>( lə-ˈkü-nə : a blank space or missing part )</p><p>beomgyu was fitted perfectly with the perfect parts needed to build him; and yet, he still feels empty.</p><p>and here comes huening kai- the person he hates, but also the one who rebuilt him.</p><p>-- </p><p>alternate title: just leave my body to the sea, just gently push me in</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>10LastStarsWithTXT</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>LACUNA</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i envisioned that this would take way too long to be reduced into a twitter thread so here we are &gt;:3</p><p>it was pretty hard writing this and planning this in my head 'cause it's sci fi and cyberpunk so yeah. kudos to those writers who actually write a lot of sci fi !! i commend u &lt;3</p><p>(warning: its pretty bad ngl)</p><p>hope u enjoy this VERY late fic and have a happy holigays &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>bright, blue and purple lights were on as it powered a type of fluid onto the body connected to it, making sure that the body had enough energy before it goes out again. it connected to several parts of the body's arms, legs, chest, and either side of the temples. a short, blonde woman was making sure that the body's vitals were stable and that the programs installed in the body was functioning properly, as well as other factors she needs to consider. </p><p> </p><p>soon, the body's eyes open, and he breathes. jiwon smiles at the boy and chuckles. </p><p> </p><p>“did you have a good sleep, choi beomgyu-ssi?” she said fondly as he types away codes to fix some anomalies in beomgyu's body. he yawns softly and nodded. </p><p> </p><p>he breathes— well, he tries to. he does his best, and then he tilts his head to her. “not..the formalities again, noona. beomgyu is fine. anyways, can i..move around for a little bit?” jiwon smiles and shrugs in reply. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu sat up and he rubs his eyes, blinking as he takes in his surroundings. what happened to him..? he could only remember some screaming, pleading to be spared. pink blood, too. he distantly remembers some kind of horrid stench, and maybe someone's touch..? </p><p> </p><p>he sighs and watches as jiwon types and types, drinking her coffee in between. he starts to..to think. what caused him to be in such place like this? was he someone like jiwon, a human with a knack of determination and willpower? or was he someone else before this weird half-metallic parrs came into place? </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu frowns to himself as he laid back down, pressing on the cold metal plate on his cheek. he shivers slightly— was this supposed to happen at all? was this all something he could have avoided? he doesn't know. </p><p> </p><p>the boy looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes, and he slowly went to sleep again, exhausted once more. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>i need some fucking rest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>⚀ </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>when he awoke, he was alone. beomgyu groaned as he sat up, fixing his hair as he unplugs the wires on his body, and he winces at the slight pain he felt after removing the ones by his uchest and temples. he rubs his forehead and checked the his vitals and saw that he was pretty stable; well, except that mental bar. he snickers. </p><p> </p><p>he took the time to stand up and he rubs his eyes, and the interface programmed on his other eye started to boot up, showing some information and it shows his own state at the moment. </p><p> </p><p>(sort of something like tony stark's interface in the suit, although beomgyu may or may not know him.) </p><p> </p><p><em>breathe</em>, he tells himself. <em>you'll be fine.</em> he just really tried, to be honest, to assure himself. sounds like it didn't work.. </p><p> </p><p>he shivers as the cold came to bite him a little, and beomgyu just wished he had some more time to tell jiwon that he needed some upgrades, but whatever. he can deal with this just fine. beomgyu walks to his “room”, limping slightly. it made him slightly annoyed, but he persisted. <em>like always. </em></p><p> </p><p>once he reached his room, beomgyu grabs some clothes that could hide his giveaway features— after all, who would want to be discovered and then beat up somewhere and lay on the floor dying? certainly not you or someone else. </p><p> </p><p>he went out of the “base” hidden underneath a flower shop jiwon's sister owned, and beomgyu's eyes adjusted to the bright lights outside. damn, the neon was a little too much sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>(it reminds him of harajuku's bright lights, and the <em>bosozoku</em> gang he met. their leader with that weird light brown pompadour and the intense lilac eyes and the white coat with it's crest..that guy's gang left a huge impression on him, despite their vulgarity. they mean well, though. especially their leader.) </p><p> </p><p>he walks calmly, his fingers fidgeting a little thanks to his own anxiousness eating away at his soul— if he even had one. he exhales, thanking jiwon's sister mentally as she made him good sets of clothing, along with a mask that hides his identity. he feels..safer..</p><p> </p><p>anyways, he was supposed to go somewhere, somewhere else than that wretched “base”. he needed to relax and his heart hammers on his chest. these thoughts of his were troubling him for..a long time now. and he needed to act on them quickly. he needs to do <em>something</em> about it. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu sighs, pulling his coat closer to his small body. he can just imagine what or who could have been hugging him instead of this long, black coat...but he doesn't remember who that was. who that special person was to him.</p><p> </p><p>and before he knew it, he sees an all-too familiar face amongst the crowd. there was a tall boy with wavy black locks, round prescription glasses by his sparkling eyes, and permanent smirk on his lips as a smile. beomgyu sneers. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>goddamit. why him of all places? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>beomgyu didn't wanna see him. nope. he'll ditch seeing this little shit and would rather get his robotic parts destroyed than having to deal with him. he quickly hid himself amongst the sea of monsters and walked to the alleyway, hoping that the boy didn't notice him right away.</p><p> </p><p>(and if he did? beomgyu's gonna suffer even more. with that thought in his mind, his head ached.) </p><p> </p><p>the cyborg resisted the yucky smell of narcotics and the horrid stench by the alleyway, and he didn't take notice of the shitty “punks” who inhabited that area to take a quick cig, and it <em>bothered</em> him. they're disgusting in his eyes. he then finally arrived to the place he needed to be, and swings open the back door. </p><p> </p><p>he was greeted with dim lights and music blasting from everywhere, and a large disco ball was spinning and illuminating the guests. speaking of guests, they were getting drunk and doing god knows what, and he sighs. <em>more vulgarity...fuck this.</em> </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu slipped away from the crowd to find a hallway full of rooms, and they were probably full of people sleeping or just straight-up vibing. he shrugs. he walks to the elevator, which was on the end of the hallway and enters the newly-opened metal doors. he exhales and took his spot on the corner, making sure to not bump or look at other people that was in the elevator. </p><p> </p><p>there was someone who was running towards the elevator, hurriedly rushing there before the doors closed. “i-i'm sorry, can you make some space? i'm sorry..” </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu cursed to himself, and he growls. <em>not this bitch.</em> he rolls his eyes as the boy had the audacity to stand beside him. the elevator starts running and he exhales. the boy smiles at him with that <em><strong>goddamned enchanting smile of his</strong></em> and nudged him with his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“hyung~ what are you doing out here? did you run away?” the boy — huening kai — asked with a slightly teasing tone than usual. beomgyu looks up at him and grimaced at the younger and scoffs, exasperated. he leans on the wall as he glares at kai. </p><p> </p><p>he spoke with a harsh tone in his voice, “i <em>didn't</em>, you idiot. and how about you? where did you go, hm? maybe you were the one who ran away from that place. to be honest, that's very likely.” </p><p> </p><p>kai laughs softly, <strike>but beomgyu preferred it when kai laughed louder.</strike> the cyborg went silent afterwards and decided to hope that kai won't bother him after they went off from the elevator. he exhales and when kai scooted closer, beomgyu could feel his heart rate skyrocket a little more than usual. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>i hate kai kamal huening. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>⚁</strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>they soon get dropped off to the highest floor, which was their destination. beomgyu and kai walk out of the elevator, and beomgyu turns to kai, still glaring— sort of. he walks a quickly as he went to get a soda from the vending machine to distract himself from these thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu started to think about how kai was the first person he saw when he woke up. he remembers how kai was the one who taught him how to act like a proper “human” and helped the boy get pretty clothes with aid from others. but..why does he hate him? beomgyu initially thought that it could be because of his personality and the way he acted, but..</p><p> </p><p>kai snaps a finger or two, and beomgyu is back to reality. the older also realized that he's <em>so fucking close to kai's face. what the hell. can someone save me?</em></p><p> </p><p>“got lost in thoughts again, hyung? this happens a lot right now,” he asked, raising an eyebrow, and he seemed..very concerned. </p><p> </p><p>well, kai wasn't exactly <em>wrong</em> in that regard about the ‘lost in thoughts’ statement. he finds himself zoning out a lot, asking himself questions. <em><strong>why am i like this? since when did i become like this? what is these feelings that kept getting me distracted? </strong></em></p><p> </p><p>he rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “i'm fine, huening. maybe it's just my battery or some shit. i mean, it's pretty strong but maybe it's drained.” </p><p> </p><p>(a blatant lie. his battery <em>is</em> strong, but it isn't actually drained. beomgyu's physical body is the one drained right now. and his mind, maybe.) </p><p> </p><p>kai sighs and frowns, “let's just go, hyung. isn't it also dangerous for a thinker like you to be out here? after that mission..?” </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu is astonished at how kai is concerned. what an elaborate act, and he's gotta say, he's impressed at it. he needs to applaud him later.. cause this acting is definitely worthy of it's own stage. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu shoves kai and he throws the soda can after crumpling it with one of his metal hands, and he glares. “don't fake your fucking concern on me. i'll be fine. and besides, i can always get fixed until i cease to operate and be useful on this world.” </p><p> </p><p>he walks away, not leaving a space for kai to reply to his statement and walks to the stairs, up top to the rooftop of the hotel he's entered. he always goes here to this specific place to rest sometimes when he's too exhausted to go back to the base— or when he needs an escape route. like right now, which is why all of this is happening right at this very moment. </p><p> </p><p>once he enters the rooftop, he instantly sees the flying cars swooping around the air not-so-flawlessly, and the high buildings and the neon billboards. the world as he knew it truly was too bright, too..too strange and colorful. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>was this really a world i'd want to be in? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>beomgyu finds his spot— the furthest wall on the building, and he leans on them using his back and he sits down, sighing. </p><p> </p><p>today was tiring.</p><p> </p><p>he went through one hell of a day; first, he went to go on a “mission” by his boss to eliminate one of their enemies’ other assassin. it ended by a draw and beomgyu had to have help by jiwon to alter the assassin's memory so that the rival bosses wouldn't see that he spared the assassin. second, he awoke with a lot of thoughts running throughout his mind. and third..he has to deal with kai sitting down beside him with two cans of soda.  </p><p> </p><p>it was dead silent for a few minutes, except for the fact that the noises from the background and their breathing and the sound of drinking soda. at first, he didn't want to break the silence. but..if he has to talk to somebody about it, then.. </p><p> </p><p>the cyborg had uttered words he'd never knew he would say to someone he despised…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>“what is my real purpose here?” </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu looks at kai, and kai looks at him. for a moment, beomgyu considers running away, but kai seemed to keep him down and suddenly, he was saved from drowning into confusion and uneasiness.</p><p> </p><p>kai smiles softly, “do we really have an answer for that, hyung? or are you asking it for rhetorical purposes?” he raises an eyebrow and shifts his body to face him better, eyes fixated on the others' own. </p><p> </p><p>“kai, i'm serious. if you don't take this shit seriously, i'll tell jiwon that you'll have to repair some parts of me and rewire them all!” beomgyu yelled, turning away from him and crossing his arms. does he even take me seriously? beomgyu felt deflated that kai would immediately try to shut down his question and— </p><p> </p><p>the younger gently placed his hand on beomgyu's exposed metal arm and makes beomgyu face him, and he sighs, “maybe i should, because you don't give a chance for me to talk,” he pauses before returning to the original matter. “your purpose here..? literally, it's to exist. some would say that it's to serve ‘the whisper’,” — beomgyu winced at the explicit mention of his boss' title — “but for me? you exist to..to keep me sane.”</p><p> </p><p><em>..what?</em> beomgyu furrows his brows in confusion and he searched for any kind of other implications kai was hiding beneath those black eyes. after all, the eyes are windows to the soul; as the others may say. </p><p> </p><p>he found nothing but genuineness. </p><p> </p><p>“what..why..?” those were the only things beomgyu could let out right now, because he's still comprehending those words. he could feel kai's thumb gently caressing his arm. he could sense how kai seemed nervous, but he still carried on with a gait of confidence and firmness with his words. what a guy. </p><p> </p><p>kai chuckles (nervously?) and he let go of beomgyu's arm, shaking his head, “nah. you probably won't get it. it's fine. but existing is, really, vital so that you could experience all kinds of things. maybe even to answer or ask questions that we haven't had the chance to.” </p><p> </p><p>the boy smiles at him and beomgyu still looked at him, confused, but he softens. wait, why did he do that? why did he allow himself to be vulnerable in front of the guy who, somehow, was there when he had a rough time due to the complicated situations they've gotten themselves into. </p><p> </p><p>but beomgyu looks away and looked straight ahead, wanting to hide these things as much as possible; bottling it all up and tossing it into the ocean so that it can no longer exist in his body and mind. the mind can survive without emotions, depending on the circumstances. beomgyu would lean onto the belief that nothing can be achievable without removing those distracting emotions— they're just gonna hinder your progress. </p><p> </p><p>“..would that make life worth living, though? experiencing those things, i mean,” beomgyu mumbled, exhaling a breath he never knew he held back. </p><p> </p><p>kai hums softly, and replied. “..yes. yes it is, because you can see the beauty of things despite the darkness that's in their heart. life without color is obviously dull, and we need that kind of thing, but it's not bad to sprinkle in some monotone— it's natural. it's for balance to be restored,” he says, chuckling to himself. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu ponders about kai's words, and he wishes he could prove to kai that it was the opposite. and yet..he felt like he wanted to believe in it. he felt like he wanted to believe in every word kai says, but he can't. </p><p> </p><p>(not now, at least.) </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>⚂</strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>when beomgyu woke up the next day in his room, he immediately felt like something was wrong. his heart pounded in nervousness, but he managed to calm down after taking a quick drink of water. </p><p> </p><p>he trembles, and he stumbles slightly to wear some casual clothes before stepping out to eat breakfast. and he definitely noticed it right after he arrived. </p><p> </p><p>kai wasn't here. </p><p> </p><p>the boy would usually take his time to eat breakfast, so whenever beomgyu arrives, kai is still eating whatever they had, or just simply resting and drinking his 1.5L grape juice he probably snatched. </p><p> </p><p>(he secretly hopes it's because kai <em>somehow</em> woke up way earlier than him and just went out to go hang out with his friends or something.) </p><p> </p><p>he sits down to eat and time passed slowly after he was done. he didn't know what to do. but curiosity would soon invade his mind and he asks himself:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>can i get my memories back? will i be able to remember even just a few years’ worth of memories? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>he got up and walked to jiwon's room where he'd get recharged or repaired. but now..he wanted to do something extremely risky and it could cause him to overdrive and be heated thanks to the sudden memories added into his body. </p><p> </p><p>he knocks. he asks. he gets hooked up into several machines and he closes his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>and then, it starts. the memories start to come in slowly, as if he were dreaming, and beomgyu..he..</p><p> </p><p>beomgyu was seeing events play out in his mind. and long ago, he and kai were something that was considered inseparable. no one could tear them apart from each other. </p><p> </p><p>but..the city was under attack by the mob boss who hired him in the first place— he was called “the whisper”, lurking silently amongst he shadows. he delivers his word and gets it done. and the whisper managed to get these two inseparable souls to separate, and the whisper took beomgyu away, away from the boy who's given him everything. </p><p> </p><p>soon, beomgyu manages to fool his boss over and over, just to see kai. just to go to him and hug him again. just to feel. but it was taken away. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu was taken away. disposed of. he was nothing but a pawn in the whisper's plans. he's been stripped away of any kind of humanity he had left, and then thrown out to rot and die without any memory of kai's significance.</p><p> </p><p>and beomgyu cried.<em> i shouldn't have been mean to him. he needed me, and i just destroyed it. </em></p><p> </p><p>beomgyu woke up after jiwon unplugs the cord, and he sobs quietly, hiding his face as the older blonde holds him. she pats his head as the young boy cries for the lost memories he can't recover, for all the things he's said to kai, and he cries for the love that he'd forgotten. he wants to get it back. </p><p> </p><p>he wants to fix things with kai, and he'll do anything to make kai happy. </p><p> </p><p>“jiwon noona?” he spoke up quietly. he needed to do something about this. he needs to fix this before it's too late. </p><p> </p><p>beomgyu will do whatever he can to get kai back. because..he's found a new reason to want kai to stay. </p><p> </p><p>“where's kai?” </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>[ check out my <a href="https://twitter.com/user/ST4RPORTs=09">twt acc</a>!!! ]</p><p>i'll list all my song inspos for this one hell of a oneshot:<br/>- i can't stop me (twice)<br/>- la di da (everglow)<br/>- savanna (onlyoneof)<br/>- revolution (AleXa)<br/>- conqueror (IA)<br/>- let me in / 20 cube (enhypen)<br/>- eight (iu ft. and prod. suga) </p><p>i hope u enjoyed this au and have a happy holiday !! pls stay safe uwu</p></blockquote></div></div>
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